I was born on a Leap Year. On a Leap Day.

“February 29 is a date that usuaLLy occurs every four years, and is caLLed Leap day. This day is added to the caLendar in Leap years as a corrective measure, because the earth does not orbit around the sun in preciseLy 365 days”.

So, basicaLLy, I’m some kind of freak!

My mom used to teLL me -when I was LittLe and had no reaL birthday- that I was ’speciaL’ or ‘unique’. Words that didn’t sound particuLarLy appeaLing!

To me it was aLL a big Lame excuse to justify my ‘non-birthday’, my ‘non-reaL-existence’!

I have been reaLLy mad at her for a whiLe. I know that it sounds crazy…especiaLLy since I’m not much of a birthday girL myseLf. But it is, indeed, annoying.

I was born on the onLy day and year made up to dignify time and its ruLes.

No wonder I’ve been Living my entire Life thinking that I was missing something! Maybe that’s why it doesn’t feeL right sometimes to be in my own skin! But, then again, who knows?! I might as weLL be just a crazy freaking Lady…right?!

But we, the 29th of Feb freaks (btw, is there ANY other freak Like me around here?!), are so often forgot! There’s no facebook or orkut bday reminder, no speciaL aLert on Twitter, no nothing!!! PeopLe usuaLLy forget about our bday because it’s not usuaL (yes, it’s not at aLL considered a thing to remember just because it’s unusuaL!); so the 28th of Feb and  the 1st of Mar go by without a sign of us because the truth is: we simpLy don’t beLong, because we’re not supposed to exist in the first pLace!!!

In days gone by, we “LeapLings” or “Leapers” hadn’t a Lot of fans!

LeapLing babies were beLived to inevitabLy prove sick and hard to raise; foLks apparentLy beLieved that the 29th of February actually might throw nature out of whack, even hampering the raising of crops and Livestock! It used to be said, for exampLe, that beans and peas pLanted during a Leap year “grow the wrong way” — whatever that means — and, in the words of the Scots, “Leap year was never a good sheep year.”

We are Like supernaturaL creatures, with supposed superpowers and stuff!!!

“According to astroLogers, those born under the sign of Pisces on February 29 have unusuaL taLents and personaLities refLecting their speciaL status”.

I don’t want to be speciaL…or super taLented…or any of this crap! I just want to be normaL and boring and Like everybody eLse!!! I want to have a birthday every year!!!

…Do I reaLLy?!

Yes…and no! Nothing’s reaLLy definite in Life, right?!

I’m just…’speciaL’, at Least in this unique way. It’s a crazy day, with crazy traditions and a Lot of magic in it.

So, I have to admit that I sometimes Like it. I’m actuaLLy very fond to my ‘non-birthday’.

I Learnt to Love it and it’s funny facts, to Love it’s purpouse: saving the caLendar, time and order, and heLping peopLe to reLy on ruLes and reguLations…on exeptions, on magic!

So we’ve been hurting, depressed, repressed, Laughed at, betrayed, forgotten…BUT…there is something about the 29 February!

An Irish tradition, that began in the 5th century, teLLs that St. Bridget compLained to St.Patrick about women having to wait for so Long for men to propose. So Patrick reLented and set February 29 as the day set aside aLLowing women the right to ask for a man’s hand in marriage (how romantic!). The convention was that any man who refused such a proposaL, owed his spurned suitor a siLk gown and a kiss — provided she was wearing a red petticoat (as a good Luck charm) at the moment she popped the question!

So there you have it! Now, whenever I say that I am speciaL…you’LL aLL have to take my word for granted!!! ^_^

Love and XoXos !

CaM!

“Thirty days hath September,

ApriL, June and November.

ALL the rest have thirty-one,

excepting February aLone

which hath but twenty-eight, in fine,

tiLL Leap year gives it twenty-nine.”

“Hope is a beLief in a positive outcome reLated to events and circumstances in one’s Life. Hope is the feeLing that what is wanted can be had or that events wiLL turn out for the best”.

At the end of the day, HOPE is not a good thing. At aLL. Or maybe it is.

We aLL have hope.

Hope that things wiLL change someday, that faith wiLL ruLe in our favour, that we’LL get Lucky enough, that we wiLL win the contest, that we wiLL overpower the odds.

We hope…for a better outcome!

Sometimes we think that hope wiLL be enough!

If today wasn’t good, we aLways have tomorrow and the day after! We reLy on hope to do the work for us, to work its magic. We HOPE that we’LL get there, someday and, meanwhiLe, time passes by. Day, weeks, months…even years – if you’re reaLLy stubborn.

CountLess nights go by, so we forget that we have hoped for anything and we Live our Lives, we survive day after day, struggLing to get through those interminabLe hours that separate us from tomorrow. So yearned, so wanted!

Because tomorrow has to be better….and we think that getting there wiLL be enough, that aLL that we’ve hoped for wiLL finaLLy come.

We think that surviving wiLL be enough. But it’s not.

Because we give up the fight, we give up the hard work, we give up the chaLLange, thinking that having hope it’s aLL that it takes for a dream to come true. For Love to come knocking on our doors. For Success to startLe us.

Someone said “Life is aLL that happens whiLe you’re busy doing something eLse”.

We pretend that we’re ok…and just because we got through the day without any arm or tears, we think we made it, we think we gained another chance at the “Hope Lottery” for our beLoved tomorrow with the positive outgoing.

In reaLity, we’re just waisting time. Precious time!

To chase dreams, to pursue reaL, fuLfiLLing happiness, we have to fight, and fight hard. We have to risk, sometimes everything…knowing that we may Lose everything.

So, as you can understand, for a dream to become reaLity, we cannot pLay hide and seek with HOPE or bLame it on faith. If we don’t succed…we can just bLame ourseLves.

Of course, bLaming it on crappy Lifes, short money, needing parents, wrong picks, short time, is easier…and it’s a great cop out. It reaLLy is.

But, at the end of the day, we -in our hearts- know the truth. But we won’t say it out Loud.

Truth is a Lot noisier than we can handLe. So we hide it in a corner of our souLs, a reaLLy deep and dark one. And we go on, bLaming it on everything eLse but us!

The rain, the sun, the moist weather, the bLack cat that crossed the street, friends that don’t understand us, parents that aLways speak their minds improperLy, jobs that suck, our boss, our empLoyees, the Lakers…everything we can find!

And our anger, our regret, our pain grows bigger and bigger and no one wiLL understand, and everybody wiLL be worry about our bad mood, our crappy answers and they wiLL feeL pity, at first!

But pity, wiLL soon become something eLse, and even our friends wiLL say: “He (or she) shouLd do something about it”, they wiLL push us to do something, and we wiLL hate them for trying to push us towards a dream that is Long gone now.

So we’LL bLame time AND friends at this point…and we’LL get more and more grumpy and annoying. So then friends wiLL start to avoid us…and we’LL soon end up aLone. With aLL this anger, aLL this disappointment, aLL this resentment.

That’s why I aLways try to Let everything out. I try.

I’m not an idiot (not aLways, anyway!), so I know it’s hard. I know sometime’s just better to bLame it on something…because I know that even if I try reaLLy hard, even if I do everything in my power to make a dream come true, sometimes it’s just not meant to be. It’s not what you’re meant to be. It’s not your time or pLace.

ReaLity is harsh, and we aLL know it. Every medaL has two faces.

Everyone of us is aLways Looking for something more, to take that step that wiLL finaLLy aLLow us to shine, to achive aLL that we’ve dreamt about since we were LittLe.

But, truth is, it is not aLways possibLe.

And that’s why we stiLL have HOPE!

Hope that, someday, it’LL get better; that it wiLL stop hurting; that it wiLL change; that we’LL forget! And that’s what keeps us going. What keeps up breathing, moving, working, crying, Laughing, Loving, hating: trying!

Hope is our curse and our saLvation, at the same time, because -as my oLd friend WILLiam used to say- “We are made of the same substance of dreams“!  And that is what makes us what we are! Humans! Imperfects! Dreamers! Fighters! Losers!

But, at Least, we are capabLe of dreaming!

So I made a bet today. And, once again, good or bad (as CRAZY as you might see it), I am HOPING that it wiLL turn as I want, as I wish, as I dream. And I’LL hoLd on to that tiny LittLe HOPE…untiL reaLity wiLL come kicking at my door to wake me up.

So, untiL then, just Let me dream on!!!!

“Stay hungry! Stay fooLish!”

X❤X❤!

CaM!

I Love to traveL. I do it a Lot because of my work. And I’m very Lucky to be abLe to do that.

A good trip, starts with a good bye.

There’s aLways someone you have to Leave…but you know you’LL be back. So it’s nice to have someone to go back to.

But it’s aLso nice to have someone meeting you at the airport when you finaLLy get to your destination!

Airports. I Love them aLL. Big, smaLL, fancy, not so fancy, technoLogicaL, futuristic. I Like the air that you breathe there. And the peopLe.

Did you ever think that -especiaLLy at the airport- you wiLL meet peopLe that you’LL onLy see ONCE in your Life?

When I think about that…I feeL overwheLmed!

We sometimes share the same tabLes, the same fLight, the same hopes.

We get so chatty at the airport! Even more when we traveL aLone!

I get to chat at the check in, in Line for security check, in Line to get food (VIP Lounges do not aLways offer the best meaLs or snacks, you know! And most of them, don’t have a STARBUCKS!!!), in Line to get on the fLight.

As much as I Love to traveL…I don’t Like to do it aLone.

Most of aLL because I don’t Like pLanes. AT ALL!

I hate the feeLing of beeing Locked up without any controL over the situation. It freaks me out. And I reaLLy have to work hard not to scream during turbuLences or not to grab someone’s hand! It’s crazy!

That’s why I Like chatty peopLe on the pLanes. They put me at ease and make me forget my fear. Most of the times.

When you traveL coach…it’s reaLLy easier to find someone to taLk to.

But executive…it’s harder. PeopLe tend to isoLate. Thank God for fLight attendants! They’re aLwas so nice to me! And, especiaLLy on DELTA fLights, they are REALLY chatty!!!

I Love that!!! And they’re aLways smiLing and they Look invincibLe!

Before 9/11 it was easy to taLk a fLight attendant into taking me to the captain cabin…because I am so freaked out! Now, it’s getting better every day (especiaLLy in Europe)…but not too much! Not as it used to be, anyway!

It’s strange, you know? The way we change throughout Life.

When I was a LittLe girL, I was never afraid of pLanes. Maybe because I used to seat next to my father and I had my famiLy with me. So I feLt safe. And I do enjoy it when I’m with them now, as a grown woman, and with my nephew! I feeL Like I have to overcome my fears because I don’t want him to be scared. Of anything.

Now, most of the times I traveL aLone. So when I watched ‘Up in the air’ I Laughed out Loud because I am THAT weLL organized when I traveL, and I aLmost do the same things. It’s Like a habit…but not quite.

I feeL more secure if I aLways do the same things, you know? LittLe rituaLs. Like wearing the same pair of jeans or the same shoes. Or using the same handbag. It’s conforting being a LittLe supertitious!

But then again, traveLLing is Like chaLLenging Life…and yourseLf! You’LL never know what wiLL happen if you don’t step into it!

Mark Twain used to say: “Twenty years from now you wiLL be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowLines, saiL away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your saiLs. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

So that’s what we do.

We traveL. We chaLLenge. We discover. We dare. We push fear away.

We do it for work. We do it because we need to. We do it because we are obLiged to. Because we are grown ups and we have responsabiLities. And, sometimes, we do it just for the pLeasure. The fun. The discovery. The wait. The chaLLenge.

But aLways, every time, it feeLs good to finaLLy get there! Even if it’s now at aLL what we expected!

“To my mind, the greatest reward and Luxury of traveL is to be abLe to experience everyday things as if for the first time, to be in a position in which aLmost nothing is so famiLiar it is taken for granted.” – BiLL Bryson

X❤X❤!

CaM!

PS: THANKS TO ALL OF YOU stopping by and Leaving your comment! ❤

It annoys the crap out of me!

WHY shouLd everyone have known the ‘gLory’ of the first Love?!

I haven’t!

I mean…I’ve been in Love…I guess, but Love is a tricky thing, you know!

Lady Gaga recentLy said that ‘Love is Like a brick. You can buiLd a house, or you can sink a body‘…and I think it fits. It’s a nice description…in many ways.

Love’s compLicated, twisted…sometimes it’s a scary pLace to be in.

LateLy, it has become an ugLy game.

You don’t have to show that you care…because if you show too much interest…you’re screwed! You become the sick oLd girL that wants to marry , to have kids (Like this is aLL wrong, anyway!) and that wants to tie a brick to the neck of the first guy she runs into!

OH, PLEASE…step out of this crap aLready!

Love’ supposed to be a good thing…but we ran so out of ideas on how to make our Lives miserabLe that, to ruin everything, we have this fixation that it has to be perfect and shiny and aLL sweet and fLowers and nice words!!!

Did you ever wonder WHY Romeo and JuLiet got so famous? Why they feLL so desperateLy in Love with eachother and why they eventuaLLy (and stupidLy) kiLLed themseLves?

Because they were ALL WRONG for eachother! The were sworn enemies…two househoLds that hated one another and they were ready to kiLL for what they beLived was right or wrong!

Romeo feLL so easiLy for this average girL just because she wasn’t meant to be with him!

And JuLiet did just about everything to go against her father and his ruLes because she wanted to make him understand that she had the power…even the power to Love the wrong man!

Let’s face it: we aLL Like the ‘prohibited’, right?!

We get to experience a Lot of different emotions in our Lives…aLL of them with a different grade of intensity…with a different shade of coLours. IF we are Lucky enough. IF we’re brave enough to Let our heart feeL.

But, nowadays, it’s aLL about the winning. ALL about the ‘getting home with the boy/girL’. ALL about the number of Lovers (Like Life or fun’s measured by that!). ALL about not getting hurt. ALL about wanting everything…but keeping our freedom.

It’s ridicuLous!

Love is rough, hard, it takes its taLL, it has to Lead itseLf and not be driven by cheap common sense!

And the first Love…is not aLways gLorious! Because, most of the times, it’s a one way street thing! And maybe even our second Love wiLL be Like that…and the third one…weLL it may be the ‘he is into me and so sweet, but I don’t Like him that much’ thing.

Love has its time, its own space and ruLes. We cannot seat back and think about strategy!!!

I refuse to think of Love -or any form of reLationship- in such a meaningfuL way!!!

I feeL what I feeL, I Like who I Like, I am what I am! I have my fears and my issues and my imperfections…and I do have my secret weapons, my strong points, my taLents, my beLiefs and my quaLities!

I don’t Like to pLay games…I mean…don’t get me wrong!

I Love being a girL! I Love to feeL wanted, I Love being txtd in the middLe of the night or the day, I Love to be surprized…I Love to feeL Loved! It’s human, it’s normaL!!!

But I aLso know that when you feeL something deep inside….you cannot hoLd it back or do strategy! You simpLy can’t!

I beLive -form the bottom of my deamer heart- that it is possibLe to Love and to Love deepLy and madLy. And to feeL so in love with someone that you can even get to undo yourseLf to meLt into this other person, without having to Loose your own identity (not for Long, anyway).

I beLive that this Love is the kind of Love that doesn’t need to pLay hide and seek to be wonderfuL and breathtaking.

I beLive that we do have a ‘other haLf of aLL that we are’, Lost somewhere in this worLd. And it maybe hard to find…someone wouLd say IMPOSSIBLE…so maybe it is…but, then again, maybe not.

So, when I think about my speciaL ‘haLf of the sheLL‘ and try to picture him, I think about PLato’ s ancient story.

Here it goes: ‘There was a time in which men and women weren’t the onLy two geneders on Earth. There was a third gender, the hermaphrodite.

The reason why there were three genders, was because man had its origin from the Sun, woman from Earth and -the gender that had both sexes- from the Moon. Those creatures were very compact and shared fused abdomens. Their shape was circuLar and so was their way of moving: circuLar, Like their parents’.

They had two faces, two pairs of ears, arms ans Legs, two beating hearts, two brains and different sexes and they waLked simuLtaneousLy and gracefuLLy on Earth. Because of that, they were very powerfuL and their pride was immense. So, one day, they decided to attack the Gods.

Zeus and the other Gods didn’t know what to do. They sureLy couldn’t kiLL the species that they had created with so much effort but, of course, they couLdn’t permit such a unbecoming behavior.

Then, Zeus had an idea. SpLit them so they wouLd be Less powerfuL and be punished at the same time. So he cut them in haLf and asked ApoLLo to heaL their wound and make it visibLe, as a constant reminder of their defeat, but -at the same time- not to unpLeasent to Look at.

Nowadays that scar is known as beLLy button”.

SLeep tight y’aLL!

X❤X❤!

CaM!!!

They say that when a door cLoses, another one -somewhere- opens.

I don’t know if that’s ENTIRELY true…but I do know that we HAVE to move on.

After aLL the hurting and griefing and the moping seated with our backs against that cLose door, we have to stand up and Let go of the handLe.

That’s what fighters do. They fight. The try as hard as they can to stand through the fists and the Low kicks, through the winds and the storms and the heavy rain and, eventuaLLy, the storm passes by. The fists and kicks stop. Numbness comes to the rescue.

We cLean the wounds, we wash the coaguLated bLood and tears. And we move forward.

There’s no rationaL reason that shouLd keep us with our shouLders pressed against that cLosed door because, they say, that another door has been open.

But it’s not easy to turn our backs and Leave, even if we know we have to. Sometimes, we have to Look for a very Long time, fighting other battLes and feeLing hopeLess, scared and aLone. Some other times, we don’t have to Look too much. Magic does its work and we find ourseLves standing in front of the shiny new door.

But that, too, is frightening.

What’s gonna be behind it? WiLL it be bad? Worse? Better? WiLL it be it?

We don’t know. And we have to fight again. This time with uncertainty, doubt and remorse.

So the truth is, whatever we had to Leave or whatever we are going to find, we aLways have to fight for something, Look for something that wiLL make the pain desappear. Those LittLe things that keep us from going back into the big hoLe we were stucked into, that maintain us waLking on the edges of the hoLe.

And it’s ok to be afraid, it’s ok to be scared, it’s ok to take some time to think and remember…and to choose. But we have to choose eventuaLLy.

We cannot be heLd back by fear. We can’t be paraLized by fear eternaLLy, or bLame destiny or God or our bad Luck.

Life’s a bitch….but I sure Like to fuck her!!!

We have to keep on Living. Even if that invoLves other cLosed doors, faLse steps, one way streets, a LittLe more pain or tears or desperation, other battLes and a Lot of strength.

So today I shut a door cLosed. WaLked out of it in pain and anger, knowing that I couLdn’t possibLy stand more. Maybe I’LL regret it, maybe not…maybe it wiLL hunt me forever. But I made a choice and that, took a Lot more than I hoped! As aLways. As it’s meant to be.

SLeep tight y’aLL!

X❤X❤!

CaM!

I’m a girL. And a dreamer. A girL that fantasizes a Lot…but I’m not the dream girL!

I have a hideous mood, I’m twisted and not in a very good way. I’m angry, and sometimes sad. I care too much for the peopLe I Love…and I not aLways Love the right things for me. I’m deLirious, and shiny and happy when I’m having a very good day…which is not impossibLe, but hard for sure!

But don’t get me wrong…I’m ok…I guess…and I enjoy peopLe’s existenciaL diLemmas!

Life is good…if you know how to face it!

Speaking of which…it took me a Lifetime to open this damn bLog!

I don’t know if it’s just a bad day or my very poor technologicaL skiLLs, but it was reaLLy hard to get to write in here.

It took me a considerabLe amount of time and patience (I seriousLy Lack out of such quaLity) and stubbornness. But I didn’t want to give up.

We aLL give up too easiLy, nowadays. Don’t we?

Quitting has become the new frontier of this era. It’s a human thing. It’s a naturaL thing.

In this ’supernaturaL craziness’, in which we dream about vampires and warewoLfs and TwiLights and Breaking Dawns, giving up has become a way of Life.

Giving up on REAL Life, REAL Love, REAL jobs, REAL hopes, REAL expectations… HUMAN expectations. It’s frustrating. And hurtfuL.

I mean, how the hack are we supposed to deaL with unpLeasant ‘Mrs. ReaLity’ when the ’supernaturaL’ reigns in?! It’s pretty impossibLe!

Don’t get me wrong! I’m a HUGE supernaturaL/fantasy/dream fan! A reaLLy hardcore one too, occasionaLLy!

I couLdn’t get myseLf to put the ‘TwiLight saga’ books down when I started reading them (aLthough I hate the movies) and I do enjoy the vamp series such as ‘True BLood’ and ‘The Vampire Diaries’, good oLd ‘Buffy’ or ‘AngeL’….and I’m 30!

TaLking ‘vamp-sLang’, it’s Like we’re newborns with craves for fresh, yummy human bLood!

But, in the Long run, it’s just a mask…a facade. And not even a good one.

We are just trying to ‘de-humanize’ our weakness. Right?

My Grandpa used to say: ‘We were better persons when we had Less’, and I don’t want to sound Like a grandmother here, but it is true!

We don’t vaLue things Like our parents or grandparents used to!

We have internet and pay tv and cars and pLanes and ceLLphones and mp3 pLayers and condoms (that we don’t use as much as we shouLd) and headache’s piLLs and pLastic surgery and divorce and eLectricity and running water and microwaves and air conditioning and genetic technoLogy…

We have the whoLe worLd at our feet! And that’s a shame for Mother Earth and for us because -for us- it’s never enough! Because we’re human and we want everything, we need everything, we Long for too many things, too much ’supposed happiness’!

They aLL teLL us that we shouLd not  fantasize but, at the end of the day, we’re just made of fLash and bLood and bones! And, even if we take everything for granted, deep down we know that we’re not entitLed to, and we have to fight our way through and we know we cannot accompLish everything that we want to, or we have pLanned to, and it’s scary!

We try, we succeed, we stumbLe, we faLL, we faiL and we get hurt.

So we intend to Live in ways that we are sure we can handLe or face or, more simpLy, we try to get through the day without being wounded too much.

We’ve been taught that we don’t have to suffer or care. That we shouLd Learn how to have wonderfuL, famous, weaLthy Lives and that we shouLd Learn how to feeL compLete without another person because not aLways we’re going to be so Lucky to find the other haLf of the appLe!

And I can’t heLp but wonder…is it reaLLy aLL that matters?

Did Life reaLLy got so unpLeasentLy hard on dreams and hopes and expectations, on romance, that we are no Longer free to decide or choose what’s reaLLy BEST for us? Have we reaLLy being FORCED to dream about being ’supernaturaL creatures’ just to be abLe to dream at aLL?

Anyway…changing the ‘heavy-heartbreaking’ subject, I was chatting with my girLfriends Kris and MeL on facebook and twitter and they were bLown away by ‘The Vampire Diaries’ season’s finaLe…were you?

I’m going to have a TequiLa so…cheers!

Xo❤Xo❤!!!

CaM!